Monday, August 11, 2008

Fasting Day 1 - A Day of Change

Well, today marks my first day of fasting and so far, no sweat. Today is also a big day in the life of my wife. She has been attending cosmetology school for the past nine months and as of 2:00 this afternoon is done. This moment is one she has been looking forward to for quite some time. I don't know if she'll ever understand how proud of her I am. I love my wife, with every fiber of my soul and I am so glad she has found something she is interested in and she pursued it and completed the training to become what she wants to be.

I'm not the most open person in the world, as a matter of fact, I am probably one of the most closed people out there. I have a difficult time expressing how I feel. I think I am afraid of it, intimidated by it. I think it is the pure vulnerability of it. To completely expose myself, my true inner self, is something I don't think I have ever done, even alone. That's partially why the prospect of this blog is so interesting to me. I don't do things like this. I don't keep a journal, or log my thoughts, but I believe in order to change myself, I have to do this.

My point is I don't think I express love and support for my wife enough. She knows I love her and would give my life for her without hesitation, but it's different to know it and to hear it, or feel it. I think this is one of the weak points of our relationship, my inability to express and even understand my feelings. This is something that I have vowed to change, and I have become much better than I once was, but it is a work in progress... so is life.

I love you and am so proud of you, baby. You're an inspiration to me, and the pride of our little family. I look up to you in every way, and I want you to know that.

Today I listened to a sermon, which is something I am going to try to do everyday this week, and it was about Jesus healing the blind and the sick. One of the gentlemen preaching is afflicted with Parkinson's Disease, a disease Michael J. fox has made famous. To hear a man, who is suffering everyday, with a degenerative disease, made me really think about my life and my struggles. I am a fortunate man, one with good health, good friends, and a beautiful family. As I was taking a walk, thinking about the suffering that people are going through, people I know, and people who I don't know, I can't help but thank God for all of my blessings. Perhaps, the spirit of the fast is setting in before the hunger....

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