So, I managed to complete 3 full days of my fast. Not quite the five I set out to do, but I am still proud of my accomplishment. Day 2 was much more difficult than the first. I was hungry and tired all day. I noticed myself getting short with people, especially my son, and I knew then that 5 days was going to be difficult. I forced myself to go to bed early that night and good thing I did, I slept awful, and I was extremely tired the following day, day 3. I researched all of these symptoms and quickly discovered that they are defined side affects of fasting. After much soul searching and thinking I decided that it was time to end the fast and begin my new life as a well eating and motivated individual.
I finished the three day fast and was able to understand and reflect upon exactly how it could be a deeply spiritual and uplifting experience. It certainly has restored my faith in ways I didn't expect. I found myself engrossed in reading the Bible and understanding the stories within with a deeper respect and understanding for the faith these men had. On a side note, I highly recommend a version of the Bible called "The Message." It reads so easily and has given me a new understanding of sections which were choppy and messy to me before. I am coming from a KJV background though.
Here we are some number of days later, and I am finally getting around to posting. This is because last week was an incredibly busy week for me, and I finally have time to sit and reflect upon it.
Monday and Tuesday I went to the gym. This is something I have not done since April when I hurt my back. Having a herniated disc and dealing with the handicap it has given me is something I never understood when others told me about debilitating pain. I was, at times, in so much pain I could not move into a comfortable position, never mind sleep... I entered a deep pit of depression and the only thing that brought me joy... food. I ballooned way up to my highest weight ever the beginning of July. I returned from a week vacation at the Cape and I looked at myself and the pictures from this vacation and I felt sick. I felt like a complete and total failure. I was huge, like a big round ball with a beer in my hand. I looked awful. This is not the image I want my son to think of when he thinks of Dad. There is a parity here as well...
One of my closest friends has been diligently going to the gym for some time now and he is reaping the benefits of it for sure. During the Cape trip there were pictures of us playing boccie' (the best game ever...), with several weeks or maybe even months of lifting under his belt, he looked pretty ripped. At the very least, more cut and trim than he has ever looked. I however, only made him look thinner... I was at least twice his size and felt it, too.
I decided that day that things had to change. My lifestyle needed improvement and I needed to eat right. I began cutting portion size and cutting out late night snacking. I have quickly dropped about 25lbs of the depression weight I put on during the last few months. I feel good, and to no ones surprise my back is much looser and feels way better.
So, like I said, I haven't lifted since April and it feels good to do it again. I missed the gym, the feeling you get after your done, that swollen throbbing, it's fantastic. It is so psychological, you immediately examine yourself, your diet and activity level. I found myself refusing popcorn and chips today at work, a staple of my daily diet when my back was hurt.
I now have a goal, to live a healthy and active life. I want to be a motivated and powerful individual, and the only way I know I can do this is if I live the way I know I should, healthy. I need to be around for my son and hopefully someday for his kids. I don't want to be overweight with diabetes and in a wheel chair because I didn't make good decisions now while I can.
Tangled Lives - It's been far too long since I've last written. My energies have been consumed by the sheer adjustments of starting a new life. It seems strange writing ...
8 years ago